The Wild

Games have been a part of my life since childhood. I compare it to people who play sports when they are young. The passions you develop as a youth will often stay with you for a lifetime.

If the hobby or recreational activity is important enough, then people tend to evolve their activity as they age. With sports there comes a time when you move from competitive play to recreational play. For those who are really passionate about the game another shift will often take place, whereby they coach and mentor young players.

In no small twist of irony, today is Superbowl. I am willing to bet that if the camera pans to the crowd during the game today, what you will find is thousands of people who have grown past the point of playing, but who retain their passion for the game and the community. Many of them will be old, and the true fans will follow the game until their last day.

I would suggest that video games are much the same.

What initially drew me to games was the promise of a world where the rules could be understood, learned and mastered. Growing up in a chaotic and unpredictable setting meant that the controlled and predictable nature of video games was a natural refuge.

In the games I knew the rules, and they did not change. I could work, progress and eventually win. It was just me vs the game.

Later in life I would find another type of game. The MMORPG to be specific, and one big title in particular. I came to it just as the idea of online community and team work was developing. It was an amazing time to be a gamer, and I will forever remember the first raid team that I was part of.

Our team was mostly composed of people that were friends in real life, with a couple of internet acquaintances to fill out the 10 person roster. Why will I remember this? It was the first time that I truly felt that I was a valued member of a team. No more being the last one picked for dodgeball lol.

It was in my mid twenties that games once more became my refuge. I found that my natural talents made me a valued member of online game communities, and for a time I found belonging among my peers. I also excelled, and made a significant and lasting impact in those communities. I thought I had finally found my people. And, for a time at least, I had.

Then the world changed again, and I changed with it.

My interests shifted, and so did my values. It became harder and harder for me to go along with much of the culture that accompanies those online communities. I became critical of the toxicity and general degeneracy that seemed to be much celebrated among gamers.

I felt compelled to elevate my game. Not in terms of actually playing, but in terms of the things I spent my time and energy on. I became interested in bettering myself and others, not only in terms of the game, but as human beings.

I found myself repelled by the online drama. I had some brushes with competitive gaming, and at times ranked quite high on certain leaderboards. This made me a target for other competitive players coming up, and over time the investment of energy seemed wasted. I was looking for cooperation and team building, and I seemed to be looking in the wrong places.

Where other people live and die in those communities, I had an outside life that provided more meaning and accomplishment than a digital leaderboard ever could. What I continually found was that my value was only as great as the numbers I was putting up. My many attempts at developing a real friendships online fell flat.

By the time I hit my mid 30’s I was aware that online friendships were not ever going to take the place of my connections in real life. The communities I had been part of became a refuge for degeneracy. If you were not willing to lower yourself to that level, then at best your value was transactional. “Do what we want or get out” was generally the sentiment.

To this day I still love the game. Until recently I maintained an account, and during the pandemic I even went back and played at a relatively high level. I did my best to affect changes in the community I once loved so much, but in the end I saw that it was mostly a waste of my time.

It is hard to put something behind you that represents a twenty year investment. It is more than a hobby, it is a community. That said, I no longer have any real connections to it, so perhaps I am finally going to hang up my hat.

I can say that as I have grown and evolved, I have attempted to stay active in the game and community that has been such a significant part of my life. I have tried to address the issues, and make it a better place for myself and others. I do not feel that I have outgrown the game, but rather that I have outgrown most of the people.

There are of course always exceptions. Some people are always worth it, and I will forever lament that those connections have been lost to the sands of time.

The game though. I will always love the game!

Stay Wild!